My mother raised me to believe that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Unfortunately, my mother didn’t raise the Internet.
The World Wide Web is filled with mean, mean, meanie heads. Cyber bullies everywhere hide behind their screens and sling insults at harmless victims like a monkey throwing poo at the zoo.
In this endless sea of negativity, one group stands out as the cruelest of all – movie critics. And their most defenseless victim? Nicolas Cage movies.
The Razzie Awards (an award ceremony in recognition of the worst in film) recently announced their 2015 nominations. Well surprise, surprise – a Nicolas Cage film came away with quite the haul of nods.
Left Behind, an apocalyptic thriller about a pilot trying to deal with the physical and emotional aftermath of a rapture-like event, earned Razzie nominations for Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay, as well as Nicolas Cage’s 10th nomination for Worst Actor.
Now surely, just because a movie has a rating of 2% on Rotten Tomatoes and was described by Entertainment Weekly as, “…sensationalist propaganda – with atrocious acting – that barely registers as entertainment,” doesn’t mean that it’s all bad, does it?
Other critics reared their mean, meanie heads as well – beating the flick like a dog in a Sarah McLachlan commercial.
“With all due respect: Oh. My. God.” – Richard Roeper
“Score one for Satan.” – Linda Barnard, Toronto Star
But it didn’t stop there. The bully mentality was infectious. Even Christians got in on the hate stomp.
“We tried to give the film zero stars, but our tech system won’t allow it.” – Christianity Today
Well I’ve had enough. To quote the incredible Canadian reggae fusion band, Magic!, “Why you gotta be so rude?”
Nicolas Cage movies are people too. And I’m here to stick up for them. I’m going to do my own review of this movie and only talk about the good parts. If something stinks, I just won’t mention it. Because like I said before, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
So here we go, hitting play now. Here comes my all-positive review of Nicolas Cage’s Left Behind:
Ah, there we go. Great unintentional cleavage shot right around the 34-minute mark. Absolutely stunning. Breathtaking boobies.
Well there you have it. That concludes my 100% positive review of Left Behind. Stay kind, folks. There's no need to make a good man cry.